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It should be sweaty, unhygienic, a little whiffy around the edges. There should be a generous dollop of lust leaking through the lyrics, and the groove should be so dirty, you need a shower after hearing it. At its best, funk is a form of sonic sorcery, a kind of Stuck at work and horny in new plymouth musical magic. A great funk tune energises the mind by stealth, bypassing the conscious brain and working its voodoo directly on your muscles, nerves and sinews, making your body want to buck and twitch, shimmy and snap. It hits you in the hips, sends a spasm down your spine, and causes an alarming stirring in your loins, too.

To severely addicted Stuck at work and horny in new plymouth like myself, funk is essential, like food, water, air. Its righteous rhythms sustain our lives, and regular exposure helps keep us healthy. You want to get rid of your frown lines? James Brown is more effective than Botox. But were any truly great 70's funk records made here in New Zealand? When you pore over the written records of our musical history, much is made of our early Maori showbands, our 60s garage rock groups, our 70s prog-rock acts, the 80s golden era of our early indie labels. There are learned essays galore on notable pop, punk, country, rock and hip hop releases, but local funk recordings get just a few lines.

And if you go mining through the vaults of our local record labels, searching for master tapes that might confirm the existence of an indigenous funk scene, they are very thin on the ground. You'd be forgiven for thinking that when the good groove flowed out from America to conquer the globe in the early 70s, it lost its way before reaching New Zealand. But you'd be wrong. Funk in s New Zealand was largely live music, with a plethora of acts playing covers and originals in bars and clubs the length of the country, but most of these bands eventually dissolved without leaving any lasting evidence of their existence behind.

In many ways, the story of early funk music in Aotearoa is a story of absence, invisibility, missed opportunity. It is a story of packed urban nightclubs and provincial bars long since closed, with dynamite resident bands who never got their shot in a recording studio.

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With Sfuck own writing it's nothing but you and a blank page. Published by Angry Robot books, Heartwood follows a legion of holy knights who undertake an epic quest to save a sacred tree. It's quite a geeky thing.


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